wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
