thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
youre lurking in front of me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
