dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
P.S. I can't hear my feet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize