hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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