Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
