just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
