Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
