Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
