even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
