I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
