I want to have your abortion
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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