well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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