i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
