I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
