His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
