I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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