I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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