Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
