She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we're so committed to being not committed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
