Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
