believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
