i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
