I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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