If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
