I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize