wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
