why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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