I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
