It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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