I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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