i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
