i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
