STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
