You're completely useless in the revolution.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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