he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize