maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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