Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
