THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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