Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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