im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize