fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
