Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
