i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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