it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
