He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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