I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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