her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize