Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
