I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
