you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
