just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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