awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
