your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
