He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
