I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
