Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its liver damage thursday
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