why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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