He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
