I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
