oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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