That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
