The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
