you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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