Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
