It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
